Do you?

Do you think God still loves me, even though sometimes I lay down against the cool tiles of my bedroom, close my eyes, and dream of all the ways I could leave this earth? Do you think God still loves me, despite the fact that sometimes I long for death more than I can bear? Or that I hold a pair of scissors to my wrist desperately fighting the urge to dig it into my flesh, and let the blood flow freely? Do you think God can forgive me, for wanting to return the gift of life He's given me. I wonder if he is ashamed to call me his daughter. If he sees a mistake when he looks at me. I wonder....if I can forgive me. Does the world see me as worthless, or is it just me?